I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
