so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
