I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
