Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
