all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
