Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
