I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
