Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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