He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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