people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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