What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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