would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
