my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
