Need sex. Gaining weight.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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