she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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