do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
