Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My dick has a subreddit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
