she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
