Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
