i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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