It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
