one might say we're banned from that church
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
