it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
