Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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