the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
