Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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