Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
