so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
