we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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