you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
