Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
