just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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