My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
