the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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