thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
