that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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