Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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