Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
