It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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