So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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