Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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