I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
