you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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