Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's great music for shaving your balls
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
