I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
