he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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