I smell stomach acid.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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