the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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