And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
