What did we do last night that was yellow?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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