absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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