Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
