Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
