I wish I only lived at night.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
