Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
