I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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