So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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