remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
