im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
