remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
