Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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