YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
