I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
