drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize