benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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