Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
