Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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