So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
