Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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