I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
