So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
