Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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