she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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