Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
