If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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