So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
