The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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