Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
