I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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