It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
