Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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